Christian marriages are failing at an alarming rate.

Yes — even in churches.
Yes — even among believers who pray.
Yes — even among ministry leaders.

Many people are confused by this. “If we both believe in Jesus, why is our marriage struggling?”

But here is the biblical truth most people don’t want to hear:

Going to church does not mean you are living in obedience to God’s design for marriage.

Let’s talk honestly about why so many Christian marriages are failing — and what Scripture really says.

1. Many Christians Are Saved — But Not Surrendered

This is the hard truth.

You can confess Jesus as Lord and still refuse to die to yourself.

The Bible says in Ephesians 5:21:

“Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

Submission is not weakness — it is humility.

Most Christian marriages are not breaking because of lack of love.
They are breaking because of pride.

• “Why should I apologize first?”
  
• “They need to change.”
  
• “I deserve better.”
  
• “I’m tired of giving.”
  

Marriage requires crucifixion of the ego.
And many believers want resurrection power without crucifying their flesh.

Christian marriage problems often begin when two saved people refuse to surrender their will.

2. Feelings Have Replaced Covenant

Modern culture has influenced the church more than we realize.

Today’s mindset:

• “I’m not happy.”
  
• “We fell out of love.”
  
• “God wants me to be fulfilled.”
  

But the Bible defines marriage as a covenant, not a contract.

Malachi 2:16 says:

“For the Lord, the God of Israel, says that He hates divorce…”

Marriage was never designed to be sustained by feelings.
Feelings rise and fall.

Covenant says:

“Even when I don’t feel it, I remain faithful.”

Many Christian couples divorce not because love disappeared, but because commitment weakened.

3. Lack of True Biblical Roles

This is controversial — but it is Scripture.

Ephesians 5 clearly outlines roles:

• Husbands: Love your wives as Christ loved the Church (sacrificially).
  
• Wives: Respect and submit to your husbands (with wisdom and strength).
  

The problem?

Many husbands are passive or spiritually absent.
Many wives are frustrated because leadership is weak.

Or sometimes:

• Husbands dominate instead of love.
  
• Wives control instead of support.
  

When biblical roles are ignored or distorted, Christian marriages suffer deeply.

God’s design is not about superiority, it is about order and harmony.

4. Lack of Spiritual Intimacy

Many Christian couples pray individually — but not together.

They attend church — but do not build a spiritual altar in their home.

If the only time God is mentioned is Sunday morning, your marriage will feel empty during the week.

A marriage without shared spiritual intimacy becomes:

• Dry
  
• Easily offended
  
• Emotionally distant
  

When husband and wife pray together, forgive together, and seek God together, something supernatural binds them.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says:

“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

If God is not the third strand actively involved, the bond weakens.

5. Unhealed Trauma Brought Into Marriage

Here is another truth many avoid.

Marriage doesn’t create problems, it exposes them.

• Childhood wounds
  
• Rejection
  
• Past abuse
  
• Insecurity
  
• Fear of abandonment
  
• Pornography addiction
  
• Emotional immaturity
  

Two broken people entering marriage without healing will bleed on each other.

Jesus saves us — but sanctification is a process.

Many Christian marriages fail because individuals never dealt with their personal issues before or during marriage.

6. Entertainment Christianity Instead of Discipleship

We have many Christians who are inspired but not transformed.

They watch sermons.
They like worship songs.
They post Bible verses.

But discipleship requires discipline.

Marriage requires:

• Forgiveness daily
  
• Self-control
  
• Accountability
  
• Patience
  
• Growth
  

If faith is shallow, marriage will struggle deeply.

You cannot build a godly marriage on motivational Christianity.

7. Spiritual Warfare Is Real — But Ignored

Some marriages are under spiritual attack.

Satan hates:

• Unity
  
• Covenant
  
• Godly legacy
  
• Christian families
  

But instead of recognizing warfare, couples turn against each other.

Ephesians 6:12 reminds us:

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood…”

Your spouse is not your enemy.

When couples forget this, small conflicts turn into major destruction.

The Biblical Truth Most Don’t Want to Hear

Here it is clearly:

Christian marriages are failing not because God’s design is broken — but because we are not fully obeying it.

God’s blueprint works.

But it requires:

• Death to self
  
• Daily repentance
  
• Humility
  
• Sacrificial love
  
• Endurance
  

Marriage is not about happiness first.

It is about holiness.

Happiness often follows holiness — but it cannot replace it.

Is There Hope for Failing Christian Marriages?

Yes. Absolutely.

God resurrects dead things.

If both husband and wife:

• Humble themselves
  
• Repent sincerely
  
• Seek biblical counsel
  
• Restore prayer together
  
• Remove pride
  
• Fight the real enemy
  

Restoration is possible.

Joel 2:25 says:

“I will restore the years that the locust has eaten.”

Even marriages on the edge can be healed.

Final Thoughts

If you are struggling in your Christian marriage, do not lose hope.

But also, do not ignore the truth.

God’s design for marriage is beautiful, powerful, and sacred.
But it only works when both partners choose obedience over ego.

Marriage is not sustained by feelings.
It is sustained by covenant, sacrifice, and Christ at the center.

And when Christ is truly at the center — not just in name but in practice — Christian marriages do not just survive.

They reflect heaven.